


Castle Walls

by BlueDiamondStar



Series: WC AU Collection [1]
Category: White Collar
Genre: AU, Dark Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, OC, Sadness, Signs of Depression, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-01
Updated: 2013-02-01
Packaged: 2017-11-27 19:46:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueDiamondStar/pseuds/BlueDiamondStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"On top of the world it's beautiful, <br/>But there's no place to fall..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something that just came to me. AU. 
> 
> Sorry for all the grammar errors etc.  
> Originally was planned as a different story but my muse changed her mind.
> 
> I don't have computer so it's hard to follow all the mishaps. 
> 
> Enjoy!

He thinks deeply, sitting there, out on the terrace and viewing the magnificent cityscape. Sometimes he just doesn't feel like he deserves this, although he enjoys it. But it's not exactly just the view. It's something else. 

"Neal sweetie, why don't you come inside. It's really cold out here." June says calmly, not pushing. 

Neal knows but still feels like he's missing something. And probably he is. But not like he's gonna admit it. Oh no, Neal Caffrey admits nothing, not even to himself. 

"It's alright, June, I'm not cold." he says knowing how meaningless the words are. Just an empty sound reflecting his equally empty soul. 

"I know, darling. But don't stay long, getting sick won't help you." she points and Neal almost bursts out laughing. 

Getting sick might make him even better. The added weight of it would even feel as a welcoming distraction. But he shouldn't think like this. 

But how not? After all what's happened. 

So he just nods and watches her leave his apartment. He's used to see people leaving him lately. And why not, he's not worth their worry. Their care, friendship, even love. He deserves only pain and darkness. 

For a while he lets the angry wind attack his all-too-skinny body. It feels almost soothing. Almost being the key word.  
And he lets the sorrow of all his miserable life wash upon him like the icy rain and snow mix that falls heavily from the sky. 

Somewhere an emergency transport rushes through the late evening's traffic with sirens on full blast.  
It reminds him of the day that felt ages ago. The day his already not-so-happy life fell into total gloom and misery. 

It had been quite a nice day. With promising sunshine during morning hours. It turned out just a ploy Mother Nature pulled to trick people into fake beliefs and hopes. 

It conned him too, the great Neal Caffrey con artist and generally a rather sneaky man, into a belief it'll be a good idea to get Peter and El out of home in such a wonderful Saturday. 

The con got conned. Badly.


	2. Chapter 2

The afternoon had suddenly turned into a terror filled hours when all of a sudden the smiling sun got covered into black, threatening clouds and wind that moved cars. Nobody had seen it coming. Not even the weather people. 

And for that Neal felt like a bloody murderer. 

But at least they managed to have their lovely picnic and some time alone while Neal had taken care of Satchmo. It was, in fact, the dog that sensed the dread in the air hours before the weather rebelled. And for that he felt less like biggest badass on the planet. 

Together they'd made it to the park just in time to unite the dog with its owners and just enough for him to walk ten feet off towards the exit of the park. Only because he suddenly wanted ice cream. 

But he didn't get it. 

Instead he got pulled into air by wind and slammed into a nearby wall or whatever like. After that had come the endlessly dark universe... 

Now it was almost a year since that day. But it doesn't stop him from feeling terrible choking of guilt. 

It's been only three months he was back home. Home. 

But it still feels like he should better be either dead or still in a coma, travelling the darkness of his soul. 

"Blaming yourself for something you had no control over is not going to end well not only for you." a girl from his therapy group had sad. She had been one of the people in the park and actually seen Neal.  
And he remembered the lively young woman with dark, thick, curly hair petting Satchmo moments before he got hit by the powerful pull for ice cream. 

"Neal!" 

It was her voice suddenly. 

"What June told you about being out there in such weather?" Lea's slightly awkward voice carries from the doorway. 

It's not like weather has anything on me anymore, Neal wants to say but instead he says, "You sure know when to drop your manners, huh?" and turns to face her.


	3. Chapter 3

It's stormy day again and he sits there again, soaking in the cold rain and letting the wind blow through his bones.   
How someone like him could allow all this to happen was beyond Neal.   
He was a con, damn good one at that. He'd been conning people for years, even gotten himself quite famous. And even after earning himself the anklet hadn't been enough reason to fall. 

Not even Kate. 

"I see you're seriously devoted to get sick and die in a painful death." he hears her voice again and briefly wonders whether this girl's some kind of meteo station always seeing him the days when weather decides to torture citizens of New York. 

"I told you that already." he states, this time not quite turning his head towards her. She can read his lips just as well from his profile so no need for that effort. Heck, she probably could read his thoughts anyway, Neal lets himself linger with this idea. 

"Just like I did too. But I can see you don't care anymore. Or just don't want to care. Which one is it this time, Neal?" she asks and suddenly there's a hand on his shoulder. 

"And what you think?" he doesn't flinch or anything, just stands there while rain and wind whips at them. 

Then suddenly he turns and looks in her darker blue eyes. He could swear last time they were deep green. 

"I think you blame yourself too hard." she states and he laughs. Then she adds. "You were on top of it when the fall came. But you've forgotten there's so much more down here than one can see from up there." 

And then it's just that. She slips in the shadows and he's all alone again.   
And sinks. Deeply into the hollowness of that dark place inside his head.


	4. Chapter 4

It's so calm out there. The warmth of the sun makes everything seem lazy and fuzzy.   
But that's just a disguise. 

The city once again calm. Sometimes it feels as if people are afraid of days like these, expecting the worst jumping at them. Of course it was understandable. After that sudden change of weather everyone would get suspicious. 

But it doesn't affect Neal. In fact, he's totally careless at what more could be hiding behind the sunny, cloudless facade. 

Not anymore. 

It's been a while since anyone aside Leandra had come to him. He keeps sitting within his castle walls and punish himself for what wasn't his fault. 

And really how could he know that the almighty nature had something cheesy in mind? He couldn't. 

But still, he's alone in this.   
June had left for some business. Mozzie had dropped off the grid sometime after first three months in hospital, and really he couldn't blame him.   
He wasn't sure if the office was still functioning. All he'd heard that some FBI divisions had either moved to other cities or closed. He was told that both Jones and Diana had visited him while he was still unconscious. That was then, now he just didn't know. 

That left Peter and El. 

Alex had disappeared long before and Sara was still in LA. 

Peter. El. 

And it was only New York that got this Mother Nature's punch in the gut. None of the other cities.   
Now that was strange. 

And that made him feel guilty again. Because he was here. 

"You of all people should know why there're locks in the door." the slim figure appears from the shadows and stands next to him with her hair like a blanket over her back. It was a beautiful sight. 

"Like you even need doors." he points and she laughs. It sounds like a tinkle of bells. 

"But it's not a reason to become a victim." it almost sounds like a scolding from a mother to a five year old. And somehow he ends up smiling.   
"Come, boy." the slim, sneaky hand grasps his bony arm and pulls him away from cityscape and thoughts of simply climbing over.


	5. Chapter 5

He quite frankly didn't expect the overly expressive young woman to just drag him into his closet where his suit collection now was wasting away and simply pull out some jeans and a t-shirt and then just as eagerly drag him back out and lock him in the bathroom with stern glare that told he better gets in shower and makes himself presentable enough again. 

It had been unexpectedly cheering, after all this time.   
And just as he finished his ritual of shaving his stubble and combing the currently total disarray of dark locks into some more coherent equation the girl bragged in and pulled him out again. 

Of course, she had been one of the rare who wouldn't stare open-mouthed at his scars. She knew. And had seen them all long time ago. 

And almost half-heartedly expected her to don a black, fleece hoodie on him. He'd enjoyed the softness of the material and warmth it gave.   
And then had come the black leather jacket. 

There were some sneakers already prepared for him along some really fluffy looking socks.   
It had surprised him totally. 

"What are you doing? Where are you going to take me?" he'd attempted to ask and tried to con the answer out of her. 

Yeah, like his words could do anything to a deaf girl. Well, not totally deaf, but her hearing aid could help only by getting one ear towards the world of sounds.   
But she seemed having a skill to read thoughts. At least his. 

It makes sense now. 

"You needed to get out." she states in her no nonsense tone which leaves little room for argument. Not that he needs one. 

"And of all places you dragged me exactly here." he tries but it comes out sounding more like an accusation. 

"Neal." Lea glares and he blanches. "You of all people really needed this. Especially today." 

And it downs on him. Anniversary of his loss. 

"You know I'm not one to give up easily. You used to be like that too." again her stern tone as if she was describing a painting. 

"How do you know?" it would be understatement if he denies wondering about that. 

"They told me." 

And it says everything.


	6. Chapter 6

The words simply takes his breath away. 

They told me. 

He can only stare at the house that used to be his second home and place he could feel like home, like belonging. 

"I can't believe." he whispers. It's just too much. 

"I've been here for some time. Nice place. Still has this air about home." she simply says, almost like longing to go inside. 

But he can't. Not after that day. And how could he. He'd talked them into leaving this safe heaven. 

"It's not right. I-I shouldn't be here." he almost screams. 

But Lea just grabs his arm and drags him over the street. Despite his struggle. And pleas. 

And they stand in front of the door. Silent and dark seems the house and he remembers the emptiness after waking up.   
And the calm after the razor dug into his flesh.   
"I can't." he whispers desperate to just run. He knows he can't. 

"Neal Caffrey, look at me." she orders and it reminds so much of Peter. "You can and you must. I spoke to Paul and he agreed it'd be good for you. It's time to face it, Neal. You can't punish yourself longer. You'd only end up jumping off that terrace of yours. And I've already seen enough of your suicide stunts." her voice is back to full sternity. He briefly wonders if she used to be a cop with tough interrogation skills. 

"But I'm not sure I can. I've tried before. I know I've been nothing more than a coward but really, do I need this?" he almost begs her to let him go.

"Why don't you just shut up already and move your butt inside? Now go!" she barks at him and he decides she's either a teacher or cop. 

And he moves. Unwillingly and slow. He used to be so good at distractions and stuff. He wasn't anymore.   
He lost his former persona year ago the moment his body hit the wall and his mind spiralled down into a black hole. 

His hand trembles terribly but he manages to put it on the door handle. The scar on his palm reminds of anger and self hatred that ended with a knife through his palm, repeatedly. 

And his body trembles suddenly as he push the door open and enters with the guard dog Lea hot on his heels.


	7. Chapter 7

For a moment it's just the soft silence is all that engulfs them and he lets out a shaky breath.  
It's not changed since the day. Everything's the same. Like a frozen time. 

But before a tear manage to escape his eye there's a burst of sound and light. Everything screams and world disappears into an explosion of swirls of colors. 

For a while he's blind and deaf to the reality. His body numb from shock. 

And then he sees the most smug smirk he's ever seen in a year and series of happy grins around him. 

Everybody's there. June, Alex, Sara, even Mozzie and whole White Collar division. And what's most important... Peter and El. 

Now he cannot hold the tears any longer. They fall free and floods his face like a waterfall.  
And to his surprise Satchmo appears through the crowd of legs and simply jumps on him at full height and licks his face in his doggy joy of seeing an old friend and family member long lost but eventually returned. 

"H-how?" was all he could croak out in an incredibly weak, shaking voice. 

They all smile. 

"You're not the only one who can throw great parties. And definately not only one with connections and friends in places only God himself might reach." the cop tone's gone and there's only girly sound to her voice. "I may have lost something that probably had never been important but I most definately know how to return family members." she's grinning wildly. 

"Y-you did this?" he still has problems to wrap his mind around. 

"It took me some time to find them all but I got them back." she hugs him tightly. "You don't need to fall anymore. You're back to your family. No more castle walls to hide inside. No more falling down the rabbit holes. You're home. Be finally happy." 

"Thank you so much, Leandra. I don't know how to thank you." he's crying again. 

"Just promise me stop blaming yourself for everything. You of all people deserve a family." she says kissing him on cheek. 

"But how about you? You'll stay?" 

"Sorry, not today. I have some more families to reunite. But maybe some day I'll come to see you." she smiles and moves towards a shadow. "And remember- shadows are there for a reason, not necessarily a bad one." and with that, in a blink of an eye, she's gone... 

And the family's reunited happily. 

 

*** 

 

~THE END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for popping your eyes in and taking your precious time to read through this shyly smiling story. 
> 
> Thank you! :)


End file.
